As a kid and teenager, I was always the “chubby one.”
First people said it was ‘puppy fat’ then i was ‘big boned’ and then it had become my identity.
Some of the comments people made about my body and weight stayed with me for many years. I never told anyone but they played over and over in my head.
I lost weight with obsessive exercise or not so healthy times of over partying. Then would then “fall off” the wagon whenever something interrupted my routine.
I was always TRYING to do the things i thought I should. But never wanted to do it. Resented that i had to work harder than my friends. Disappointed that as a strong woman i couldn’t seem to get my shit together when it came to eating and exercise!
I got to my “ideal weight” with unsustainable habits but even then it was never good enough. I still wasn’t happy in my body.
This is when i realised that that liking my body was never going to be achieved by a certain number or jean size. It might help temporarily. What happens when it becomes the new normal? Or when the compliments stop?
I wanted to feel good in my body for REAL and for ME!
So i did a lot of learning and a lot of work on getting my head into a place that my body wanted to follow.
I spent thousands of dollars on books, courses, counsellors.
And slowly it all sunk in. And I found myself being kinder to myself, feeling better in my body and working out more than i ever had, eating well, enjoying treats, not obsessed at all and yet back to my slimmest, fittest self. But this time happy with it.
Was it hard work? Yes! But was it worth it? 1000 x YES!